!ACHTUNG!
Now that I'm firmly in control . . . a few rules about "cuteness."
1) After January 1, 2005 any person displaying a menagerie of stuffed animals in the back window of their car shall be executed by firing squad at the DMV. The execution site will be covered in nylon bunting by Christo and an image of same will be placed on a postage stamp commemorating highway beautification.
2) Anne Geddes will be brought up on crimes against humanity charges. The names of parents consenting to have their child photographed in a daisy, sunflower, or bumble-bee costume will be added to a national child molestor database. Their children will be removed from their care and custody and raised in the emotionally more nourishing bosom of government bureaucracy as wards of the state.
3) Any one who publishes, distribues, or possesses a William Wegman doggie calendar will be sent to a reeducation facility and released only upon compelling evidence of rehabilitiation.
I'm Jewy McScrooge and I approved this proclamation.
1) After January 1, 2005 any person displaying a menagerie of stuffed animals in the back window of their car shall be executed by firing squad at the DMV. The execution site will be covered in nylon bunting by Christo and an image of same will be placed on a postage stamp commemorating highway beautification.
2) Anne Geddes will be brought up on crimes against humanity charges. The names of parents consenting to have their child photographed in a daisy, sunflower, or bumble-bee costume will be added to a national child molestor database. Their children will be removed from their care and custody and raised in the emotionally more nourishing bosom of government bureaucracy as wards of the state.
3) Any one who publishes, distribues, or possesses a William Wegman doggie calendar will be sent to a reeducation facility and released only upon compelling evidence of rehabilitiation.
I'm Jewy McScrooge and I approved this proclamation.
24 Comments:
May I add:
Any person who utters the phrase "Nicolas Sparks is a great writer" will be forced to read Bukowski's "Post Office" out loud at the nearest senior citizen recreation center.
I would like to add that anyone, anywhere who is over the age of 25 and still signs their emails to friends "Luv" or "Luv and Kitty Kisses" or draws hearts and flowers all over their snail mail envelopes should be drawn and quartered immediately. I would prefer this start now, and not wait 'til the New Year. Can you make it so, oh Snobby One?
Definitely no tiny bunny licks from me,
Jewy McScrooge's Big Sister.
It's not a comment about !ACHTUNG!. Your blog is very interesting. But today, I just like to wish you a happy 2005.
All the best,
Someone "perceptive" from a distant land.
P.S.: Actually, you are not a snob.
You are funny, dude. Oh, you probably don't like peeps who say dude. Or peeps. No worries. :-)
I have just updated my blog with new kittypics!!
No, I am not trying to kill you, why?
And don't forget about torturing (something really painful, please) before killing those people who invented "Meowy Christmas"...
http://jinglecats.com/mp3/meowy_listen.html
Claudia
http://Claudia.weblog.com.pt
Do the penalties outlined in #2 apply to parents who take pictures of their children wearing such costumes on Halloween?
Just curious.
-1em
"I'm Jewy McScrooge and I approved this proclamation."
You just made me spit all over my screen. That was mighty damn funny.
I don't know that I have the energy to be this snarky, but I've found a new blog to read...oh, yes...
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